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Lottery Jokes

What’s the difference between a man arguing with his wife and a man with a lottery ticket?
The man with a lottery ticket actually has a chance to win.

Did you hear about the new $5 million dollar Kentucky State Lottery?
The winner gets $5 for a million years.

The quickest way to double your money playing the lottery is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

Why did the pig buy a Powerball ticket?
He wanted to be filthy Rich.

How does a yak win the Mega Millions lottery?
By winning the yak-pot.

What does a blonde and an instant win scratch lottery ticket have in common?
Simply scratch the box to win.

The Powerball:
A tax on people who are bad at math.

Chuck Norris won the Powerball jackpot with a Mega Millions ticket.

If Mitt Romney ever becomes President, I’m guessing his secret service codename will be Mega Millions

The sad thing is I have a better chance of winning the lottery, than my boss giving me a holiday bonus.

Poor people don’t believe in anything except the lord and the lottery.

The chances of you dying on the way to get a lottery ticket is greater than you actually winning it.

Is you mom the lottery lady on TV? Because I’m picturing her holding up my balls.

LOTTO
A woman gets home, whirls her car into the driveway, runs into
the
house, slams the door and shouts at the top of her lungs,
“Honey,
pack your bags. I won the lottery!”

The husband says, “Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
mountain stuff?”

The wife yells back, “It doesn’t matter. just get the hell
out!

Powerball
Interviewer: “Congratulations on winning the $1 billion dollar Powerball lottery.”

Farmer: “Thank you.”

Interviewer: “Do you have any special plans for spending all of that money?”

Farmer: “Nope. Not really. I’m just going to buy some more farmland and keep farming until the lottery money is all gone.”

Blonde
A blonde wanted to win the lotto so she prayed to god, and she lost.
Next week she prayed to god again, and she lost.
The week after she prayed to god, and she lost.
She said to god, why wont you let me win?
God actually replied, How about buying a ticket first?

Financial Trouble
Bhojali finds himself in dire trouble.His business has gone bust and he’s in serious financial trouble. He’s so desperate that he decides to ask Ganesh for help. He goes into the temple and begins to pray.

“Oh Ganesh,please help me,I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, im going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery.”

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.Bohjaji goes back to the temple. “Ganesh please let me win the lotto. I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m going to lose my car as well.” Lotto night comes Bholaji still has no luck.Back to the temple he goes. “My Ganesh,why have you forsaken me.? I’ve lost my business, my house, my car and my wife children are starving.

I don’t often ask you for help and I have always been a good servent to you. Why wont you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life in order?”

Suddenly there is a binding flash of li ght as the sky parts open and Bholaji is confronted by the voice of God.”Bholaji, buy a lottery ticket first.

Jokes4us.com – Jokes about the Lottery

Lotto Puns

A list of puns related to “Lotto”

I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.

The physical pain on his face was priceless.

Juan won one yuan.

Because if you win, you get a “lotto” money.

He told me he was hedging his bets.

I’ve been here for a couple months now. My family is in Boston, so I’m 19 hours ahead.

My dad asks for the winning lottery numbers at least once a week.

This might be a bit long? My family isn’t the brightest of individuals.

Sister: My balls are caught in the door!

Me: LOL, WHAT?

Sister: The poof balls on my shoes.

One of the many jokes my Dad constantly makes when a waiter/waitress brings the bill:

Waitress/Waiter: “There is the bill can I get you anything else?”

Dad: “How about a winning lotto ticket?”

Awkward laughs all around.

Related Topics

  • Lotto: Lotto may refer to: Lottery, a form of gambling Six-number lottery games, which often have “Lotto” in their name For lotteries and lottery games with .
  • Lotto Max: September 25, 2009, the game replaced Lotto Super 7. Lotto Max drawings are held every Tuesday and Friday. Lotto Max is played similarly to its predecessor .
  • Lotto 6/49: Lotto 6/49 is one of three national lottery games in Canada. Launched on June 12, 1982, Lotto 6/49 was the first nationwide Canadian lottery game to allow .
  • Lotto–Soudal: Lotto–Soudal (UCI team code: LTS) is a Belgian professional cycling team at UCI WorldTeam level sponsored by the Belgian lottery and Soudal, an adhesives .
  • Oz Lotto: Oz Lotto is a national lottery game, owned by Tatts Group and administered by its lottery brand ‘the Lott’ in all Australian States with the exception .

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A list of Lotto puns! ]]>