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Funny Fortune Cookie Sayings

Fortune cookies are a great source for funny sayings . YourDictionary has collected some of the funniest quotes from fortune cookies for you to enjoy, share, or put in your own cookies.

The Fabulous Fortunes

While fortune cookies are largely associated with Chinese food in the United States, they are actually an American invention from the early 1900s. These simple folded cookies contain a strip of paper with a short message that may be predictive in nature, or have words of wisdom, but most often is humorous. The messages may also contain Chinese characters or “lucky numbers.”

Today, fortune cookie sayings are also used for social media posts, greetings, and for people wanting to add messages to their own cookies.

Funny Fortune Cookies Quotes

Here are some humorous sayings discovered in fortune cookies. While some are intentionally funny, others may have been typos, bad translations, or just created by a confused fortune printer. Whatever the reasons, enjoy!

  1. The fortune you seek is in another cookie.
  2. A closed mouth gathers no feet.
  3. A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
  4. A cynic is only a frustrated optimist.
  5. A foolish man listens to his heart. A wise man listens to cookies.
  6. You will die alone and poorly dressed.
  7. A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind, and won’t change the subject.
  8. If you look back, you’ll soon be going that way.
  9. You will live long enough to open many fortune cookies.
  10. An alien of some sort will be appearing to you shortly.
  11. Do not mistake temptation for opportunity.
  12. Flattery will go far tonight.
  13. He who laughs at himself never runs out of things to laugh at.
  14. He who laughs last is laughing at you.
  15. He who throws dirt is losing ground.
  16. Some men dream of fortunes, others dream of cookies.
  17. The greatest danger could be your stupidity.
  18. We don’t know the future, but here’s a cookie.
  19. The world may be your oyster, but it doesn’t mean you’ll get its pearl.
  20. You will be hungry again in one hour.
  21. The road to riches is paved with homework.
  22. You can always find happiness at work on Friday.
  23. Actions speak louder than fortune cookies.
  24. Because of your melodic nature, the moonlight never misses an appointment.
  25. Don’t behave with cold manners.
  26. Don’t forget you are always on our minds.
  27. Fortune not found? Abort, Retry, Ignore.
  28. Help! I am being held prisoner in a fortune cookie factory.
  29. It’s about time I got out of that cookie.
  30. Never forget a friend. Especially if he owes you.
  31. Never wear your best pants when you go to fight for freedom.
  32. Only listen to the fortune cookie; disregard all other fortune telling units.
  33. It is a good day to have a good day.
  34. All fortunes are wrong except this one.
  35. Someone will invite you to a Karaoke party.
  36. That wasn’t chicken.
  37. There is no mistake so great as that of being always right.
  38. You love Chinese food.
  39. I am worth a fortune.
  40. No snowflake feels responsible in an avalanche.
  41. You will receive a fortune cookie.
  42. Some fortune cookies contain no fortune.
  43. Don’t let statistics do a number on you.
  44. You are not illiterate.
  45. May you someday be carbon neutral.
  46. You have rice in your teeth.
  47. Avoid taking unnecessary gambles. Lucky numbers: 12, 15, 23, 28, 37
  48. Ask your mom instead of a cookie.
  49. This cookie contains 117 calories.
  50. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
  51. You think it’s a secret, but they know.
  52. If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is it naked or homeless?
  53. Change is inevitable, except for vending machines.
  54. Don’t eat the paper.

Of course, humor is subjective, but a snappy message is always fun to receive after dinner. Have you gotten a fortune that was even funnier? Let us know in the comments.

Looking for some funny fortune cookie sayings? Check out your local Chinese restaurant, since fortune cookies are only found in Chinese restaurants in the U.S.

Fortune Cookie Jokes

Today a fortune cookie told me that every exit is an entrance Long story short, my girlfriend said no.

I just open a fortune cookie that had no paper inside. . it was unfortunate.

Today I had a fortune cookie that had no fortune inside. . it was very unfortunate.

Fortune cookie: “Every exit can be an entry” Long story short:
My girlfriens said no.

I got an empty fortune cookie the other day. It was unfortunate.

What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.

The real joke is that this is what my fortune cookie said.

I still remember my first fortune cookie. . and how much it tasted like paper.

I once received a fortune cookie of which the fortune was immediately fulfilled. “You will have a weak dessert”

My friend eats his fortune cookies with the fortune still inside. I think he chews wisely

After finishing our Chinese food, my husband. After finishing our Chinese food, my husband and I cracked open our fortune cookies. Mine read, “Be quiet for a little while.” His read, “Talk while you have a chance.”

The other day I got a fortune cookie with no fortune in it, you know what I call that? I call that unfortunate.

“All your dreams will come true”, said my fortune cookie And the next day I realized, I went to work naked and couldn’t run when I got chased by that monster

My fortune cookie was spot on. It said, You will soon let go of a small piece of paper.

According to my fortune cookie I am getting a dolphin! It said my life will have a purpose.

I took adderall next to a box of fortune cookies. And now I’m fluent in Chinese.

I always swallow fortune cookies whole. It gives me something to read on the toilet.

My Future I have a lot more trust and faith in my guidance counselor’s advice after getting an empty fortune cookie at a chinese restaurant.

What does a programmer say after reading the fortune they get from a fortune cookie? Embed

What is the most expensive cookie you can buy? A fortune cookie

A man got a fortune cookie without a fortune. . well that’s unfortunate

I tried making a small triangle out of paper. It looked more like a fortune cookie

That was unfortunate.

A fortune cookie told me I would soon be making a change for the better, It’s amazing how it knew I was suicidal.

What do you call a funny fortune cookie? An inside joke

My fortune cookie had no fortune in it. That’s unfortunate

My fortune cookie told me today to not worry about money because the best things in life are free. I think the cookie is telling me to rob a bank.

How many of you believe in psychokinesis? Raise my hand.

– Taken from local Chinese joint fortune cookie.

Did you hear about mrs. fortune cookies divorce? Now shes misfortune cookie.

We collected only funny Fortune Cookie jokes around the web. Enjoy the best Fortune Cookie jokes ever!